Or, even better...

McCain...seasoned.

This should be used on McCain's campaign site somehow...

Winner: Most Embarrassing product to buy, hands down

This is why they invented "Self-Checkout" lanes. I don't think this could say "Anal Itch" any larger, or more often. At least it's non-staining.

Car shopping

Every now and then, I look around to see what is available on the used car market.  My wife says I can never be satisfied with what I am driving.  I love reading ads for cars on craigslist.  Yesterday I saw one that started, "I am an Indian man selling a 1999 Honda Accord."  Ok, thanks for getting that out there.  Next time I sell a car I'm going to list it as "White American selling 2001 Saab 9-5."  Somehow I don't think that will go over too well.

I just read an ad today from a dealership that listed a slew of "features" for this particular car (my comments in green):

• Dual Sport Mirrors -- What could possibly be sporty about mirrors?
  
• Air Conditioning -- Check.
  
• Remote Trunk Release -- This sounds fancy, but really, it's just a button on the floorboard.
  
• Remote Fuel Door -- see above
• Intermittent Wipers -- This keeps you from having to switch them off an on manually, right?
  
• Dual Power Mirrors -- Ahh.. so that's what makes them sporty.  The Dual Power.
• Tachometer -- OK.. it's an automatic.
• Electronic Radio -- What a relief it's not one of those hand-crank ones.
• Guage Cluster -- To my knowledge every car since the 1940s has had this.
• Upgrade Cloth Seating -- Not leather, but not that cheap cloth it usually comes with.
  
• Quad Tire Package -- Trust me, this is an excellent upgrade from the Tri-tire package.
  
• Carpet Flooring -- Ooo Fancy.. Can I get it in hardwoods?
  
• Front Bucket Seating -- Good.  I'm tired of sitting in the back.
  

In case of fire...

I see this sign everyday but it didn't really register with me before.

This poor guy is taking a leisurely stroll down the stairs and doesn't even realize that he is about to walk right into a big ball of fire!!

He may already be feeling it under his feet as the metal stairs heat up with that ball of fire under them. But his pace is about to get a serious jolt when he rounds the corner and sees what awaits him.

Poor fella.

Girl... you'll be a .. uhm.. female person.. individual.. soon.

Today I've been thinking about the lack of a good solid term for a young woman around my age. In casual terms, if I were relating a story to someone about a man my age to someone, I would inevitably refer to him as a "guy" (i.e.: "I saw this guy wearing a Def Leppard shirt.") --or in extreme circumstances "dude" (ie.. "This dude tried to run me off the road today!").

But for the life of me, I can't seem to find a comfortable match for a woman. "Woman" just seems so formal, and "young woman" only works if the storyteller is, himself, old. "Girl" sounds too young or too condescending, and "gal" a little too square-dance. "Lady"? come on, that sounds creepy. "Chick" is right out.

So, what's a guy to do? Once again, the English language has failed me.

View of Boston

I just returned from Boston on a business trip. Fun city. Here's a view of the city I photographed from the Skywalk Observatory. (This is a QTVR, so to navigate, click inside the image and move the cursor around.) That's Harvard on the far left on the other side of the river.

Great American Toy Company

I found this tag on one of my daughter's toys.
I think this pretty much sums up the state of the American economy.